Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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