My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
