dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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