Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
