I skipped work to stalk him.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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