Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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