I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
