your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
