last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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