ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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