umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
