Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
