Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
