I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
