i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
