just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
