im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
