Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
