My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
