So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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