Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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