You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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