I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
