My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Couch. On fire.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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