so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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