i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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