I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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