What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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