she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
