so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
