WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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