I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
