I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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