btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
