My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
