I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
