Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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