party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
