Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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