I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
