Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
