great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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