Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
