one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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