Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So much rum. So many feels.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
