I love black thongs
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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