Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
