i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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