You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
