Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
