If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
