I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
