Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
