i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Holy shit dude........stairs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
