apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
